I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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