I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
