I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
