So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
