dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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