Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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