Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I skipped work to stalk him.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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