He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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