Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
