I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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