I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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