she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
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she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
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His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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