dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
