Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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