She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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