ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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