if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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