Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He better not be in your backpack
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
