i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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