playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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