im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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