I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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