fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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