No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
