Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
