I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
