There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
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You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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