That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
