well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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