Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
