"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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