dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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