no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
