I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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