Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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