god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
