She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
