you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Found your dick twin last night
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
