my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize