the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
