you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
