Who wears a wallet chain?!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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