Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
