fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
