I puked a lego.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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