nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
