Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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