Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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