I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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