I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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