Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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