We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
