All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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