we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
