Well douche your snatch and let's go!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
