i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
