Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize