You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
