i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
