ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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