I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
