im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
