I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
