I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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