Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
