I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My liver just broke up with me...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my being single is dangerous.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
