i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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