Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You are the jesus of drinking
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
