I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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